When we resolve to give God our complete unadulterated trust we are throwing our hands up and saying, God, it’s yours, and I will sit up, stand back and get out of the way and let you have your way. I will let you lead and I will follow where you lead. Wherever that maybe I will submit, wholeheartedly without reservation. What a hard thing to do and to surrender to, without reservations. Wow!
straight ahead
I would be lying if I said this is something I’ve done more than twice in my life. I am an OCD control freak. I personally make it a point to not place myself in a situation I am unable to control.  I now know after years of therapy, it is a product of my shady questionable upbringing and past marriages. For me, the hardest thing to do is to set back in life and let anyone lead me.  I did let God lead me to my husband. We began as friends in the fall of 2014. We became fast friends, phone calls and text were a regular everyday occurrence. We prayed for each other, shared every aspect of our lives through conversation and quickly became best friends. I knew I wanted him in my life, but I didn’t think once we would ever be in a serious relationship much less married and planning to go on our family vacation next week, but here we happily are. This was one area I let God lead. However, it took me four years to give the man I consider the love of my life a chance to show me a true no-holds-barred, pure unconditional, Christ-like love.  He is the biggest reason I was able to actually somewhat comprehend the depth of the love Christ has for each of us. The reason he left the ninety-nine to find me, I’m still in awe of this concept. Seems so unreasonable until it’s you or your child that becomes the one. I could write on that all day, but I have to stay focused on my topic {wink, wink!}.
I never thought I would be married again. After my divorce from my second husband, I was engaged once more. It was bad and very short-lived. I then decided it would be me and my children, I didn’t want to be in any kind of romantic relationship. It was us against the world.  I especially never wanted to be married again. I took an indefinite sabbatical from any kind of relationship, other than friendship.  Which is why it took me four years to step out into trusting God with my relationship with the man that is now my husband. I dove into the single mom thing, working and raising children as if my life depended on it.  I even led a Single Mom’s Ministry at our church. Where I met some sweet ladies, I hold near and dear to my heart. I was so focused on my single mom life, I didn’t see the changes God was doing in me. But, my heart changed, I grew to love my husband, while we were still just friends. I  mean the big L.O.V. E.  We’ve been married for almost a year. Has it been easy, most days, yes? I have submission/leading issues. I do believe we are to submit to our husbands. In a biblical aspect.wife submit No, I do not think they are to beat us down and say my way or the highway. Meaning I respect him, love him and this means allowing him to lead. However, I am used to being the breadwinner, disciplinarian, the final decision on all things. My second husband was the burning bed husband (yes he’s still alive).  The “bible beating” submit to me or pay in physical abuse, emotional abuse and or sexual abuse. somedays all of the above. This is one reason I had this trust issue by submitting to my husband and allowing my husband to lead our family.
Well it began for me here, the bible says in Psalms 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord, and delighthe will give you the desires of your heart. So many including myself misinterpret this verse. I always thought if I love him he will give me what I desire. Uh, nope not really how it works. After studying the word “delight” I found it means to please greatly, also translates to enchant and captivate. WOW!!!! This was an eye-opener for me. If I were enchanted or captivated by the Lord, my desires do change. How easily being “delighted” in the Lord changed my heart. My desires became to please him whatever that may be. Hard pill to swallow? Sure it is, for anyone, okay most anyone. Somedays, when I have a pity party this is something I still have to pray on. It’s hard, it’s normal, it’s human nature to want to have your own way. I would be lying if I said this wasn’t a regular struggle for me, even still.
However, after a conversation with my husband by phone, after he headed off  to work, I shot down everything he tried to explain to me and swiftly said: “I have to go, I love you and hope you have a good day!”  Then hit the end call button as if the world would end if I didn’t. I immediately began to feel bad, I picked up my bible began reading and praying about this issue. First, this is unlike me. I would usually complain to someone first. Second, it was a total God thing I reached for my Bible first.   I had already asked God to help me submit and asked my husband to lead our family. To be the husband and leader God has calls him to be, and I shot him down, was confrontational and hung up. How had I allowed him to lead? He has already proven more times than I can count our family’s best interest and God’s approval is number one to him. He has sacrificed numerous times for us for this purpose. Let’s just say conviction is like swallowing nails with a turpentine chaser, YUCK!!! Especially when you have to admit your wrongdoing,  Humility is one key in a marriage {I’ve been humbled a lot lately, just sayn’}.
What was I to do at this point? Knowing he is busy at work with the new CEO and administration in the building, and I had added to his already mounting stress by being confrontational and rude. I text him my apology. At this point, the damage is done and I couldn’t call him. I prayed asked God to help me be the wife he calls me to be and I sent a short to the point text, I’m sorry. I love you. I trust you.  He of course lovingly responded with a simple I love you. I know my husband well enough to know these three words mean, I love you, I forgive you and I understand your frustration.
So what is left to do? marriage umbrella2Nothing, other than what I have already done then to step back, keep praying and allow God to lead my husband so he can lead our family. I trust my husband to let God lead him. Because,  I know we serve a BIG God who has big unrevealed plans for our family, something bigger than we can imagine. I trust him because he has never failed me, my husband or our family.
I’m usually not sure why I feel led to share a certain aspect of our lives, but for some reason today I felt I needed to share this. So, I hope this may help a new wife, an experienced wife, a struggling wife, and getting ready to be a wife Godly woman in her journey to become the wife God himself has called you to be.
I loved this illustration from www.thejoyfulkeeper.blogpot.com
Stay prayed and caffeinated up,
Hollie McCalip