7 Ways to Keep Marriage Warfare Ready

There are so many books, blogs, podcast, and television shows out there that tell us what a good marriage looks like. What it takes to have a successful marriage. What it takes to really thrive in marriage. The worst, tabloids. The take a look at so-and-so’s twenty-seven million dollar mansion. Oh, and my favorite, what it takes to have an ideal successful Hollywood marriage. A Marriage according to the world of sorts.

I’ve blogged before about this before and I am sure it will be mentioned again but it’s fitting here and it’s no secret. I’ve legally been married and divorced, not once, not twice but yes, you got it three times. But, I only have two ex-husbands. Married the same one twice, I said yesterday I am a slow learner. I can give you a list a mile long of things I did wrong in those marriages. Are they (ex-husbands) free of blame, uh, no not at all, not even close. But, I am willing to accept and admit to my mistakes. So, let’s just say I don’t have a degree but I do have enough experience in the marriage/divorce department for several people.

See, marriage is hard. Yes, hard! Especially if you are doing it right. Candace Cameron Bure, American actress, tv host and avid Christian, has Candance’s Car Chronicles on her Instagram stories. I’m a fan and I follow. But, one day she really caught my attention after her latest book was released, a children’s book; Candance Center Stage. A fan had asked her if she was ever going to write a book on marriage, her response, to my surprise was and I am paraphrasing here, “I already have enough problems in my marriage, I don’t need to add to it”. I thought what an odd thing to say. When in all actuality a Christian who is even just minimally educated on the enemy (satan) and any kind of spiritual warfare knows. The enemy will hit you where he can, especially your marriage. He has been destroying the sanctity of marriage since the beginning of time. Eve’s betrayal to God and her husband with the whole eat the fruit garbage.

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I have come that they might have life and that they might have it more abundantly.
I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.
But he that is a hireling, and not the shepherd, whose own the sheep are not, seeth the wolf coming, and leaveth the sheep, and fleeth: and the wolf catcheth them, and scattereth the sheep. John 10:10-12

Have you ever noticed when you make a New Year’s resolution to be kind to other people seem to really test your commitment to your resolution? So much so you begin to wonder if sporting an orange jumpsuit wouldn’t be so bad? The brunt of the testing you are usually those you, love? Husband, children, even friends, and parents? Resolution to lose weight, then everyone you know makes you candy, cookies, and cakes. All your social events seem to suddenly revolve around food? I know those of you who have never entered the study on spiritual warfare may want to argue this. However, just pull out your Bible and see for yourself.

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:4-5 NIV)

While Satan cannot read our minds, he can influence our thoughts. Thus, the Bible instructs us to

“Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes” (Eph. 6:11 NIV).

Without it, you are a guaranteed to be a casualty in the invisible war; with it, you are invincible. Spiritual warfare is waged against invisible beings that personify the extremities of evil; and their weapons are spiritual, not physical. While they are unable to touch us physically or cause us to levitate, they can tempt us to cheat, steal, kill and lie. Since he can’t read our thoughts once we start verbalizing or writing about something such as marriage or parenting, you can bet one-hundred-percent of the time Satan will be in the corner waiting to pounce on those areas.

“And he became Satan, yea, even the devil, the father of all lies, to deceive and to blind men, and to lead them captive at his will, even as many as would not hearken unto my voice.” (Moses 4:4.)

So, I began to understand why she would say something about she will never write a book on marriage. I can only assume when you are a Christian Actress, married to a Professional Hockey Player, with three children in the spotlight why you wouldn’t want to invite more invisible warfare into your home. Marriage is hard enough without all the extras thrown in there.

I always said if I ever got married again it would be for good. There would be no going back. I meant it then and mean it today. My husband and took our relationship slow, seriously snail mail in six feet of snow slow. Friends, for three years, decided to try the dating thing. It worked out well enough we were engaged two months later and married two months after that. I knew his garbage, he knew mine. we’ve always been open and honest about everything. Yes, I mean everything. The good, the bad and the ugly. My husband and I do NOT, I repeat DO NOT have a perfect marriage. We work hard at it. We love each other and choose to love each other every day, regardless of our feelings, emotions, and circumstance. Here are seven ways we make that choice daily to help keep the enemy at bay. Let’s face it warfare isn’t something anyone likes, especially invisible warfare. I mean ever tired playing red rover blindfolded, me either because it’s dumb and dangerous.

Here are seven ways we make that choice daily.

  1. We date. yes, I date my husband. Regardless of the amount in our bank account, we find a way to have alone time. Time to connect, talk and laugh without the stress or interruptions of anyone. This is usually some of the best gut-busting laughter. Sometimes it’s a steak dinner in a nice restaurant. Then there are times it’s us, a picnic of a five dollar pizza at the park. It’s not about the amount of money we spent but the quality of time.
  2. We pray over each other. This probably the most important one. It is the one that helps with the invisible war. Really pray. We don’t make it a big production. Heartfelt not so eloquent prayers over each other.
  3. Study each other. Never stop studying each other. People can change. Even if it over time, circumstance or other reasons. Get to know each other every day.
  4. Have an open door policy. Sounds kind of corporate, right? But, it works. Leave the door open, anytime, any place and reason make sure your spouse knows they are the most important person in your life, after God. Because, guess what when the kids are all grown and gone, it’s your spouse left with you. {I admit I struggle with this because of the kids}
  5. Ask. Simply ask. My husband is way better at this than I am. But, ask your spouse every day, not just the wives, but husbands too. Ask your spouse what can I do for you today or simple do you need anything from me today. Sometimes, just text out of the blue and ask “how is your day?”
  6. Do……. Every day in a big or simple way of doing something you may not necessarily like for your spouse. I hate ironing. He likes ironed clothes. He would do them his self but, its something I can do to make his life easier. A five or ten minute back or shoulder massage. Making his favorite meal even if it’s not your favorite. When making certain meals I love peppers and onions. He does not, so I leave them out or make him his own version. Take longer? Yes, but it’s a simple way to show I love him and I care.
  7. Be intentionally intimate. Intimate doesn’t only mean sexual, but it is fun. Before we married we discussed how many days a week we each would like sexual intimacy. They differed of course, however, when at all possible come together at least three times a week. Yes, I said it three times a week. Sounds like a lot if you have little ones, sports, all different kinds of practices. But, it has been shown scientifically sex increases endorphins in the brain. In the words of Elle Woods, “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands, they just don’t.” exercise including SEX. Yes, you can also send your husband a teaser text about something that may happen in the bedroom that night. I promise he will love it. Sneak peek of cleavage, a quick like of what to anticipate, sort of thing. Just make sure you send it to the right person. Your friends, coworkers, and siblings really don’t care what you are doing in the bedroom that night. It’s not a fun text to recover from.

Here are just seven ways my husband and I try to help keep things going and the enemy at bay. They are suggestions for you that work for us. Not a complete marriage how-to guide. Keep abreast on marriage warfare against the invisible enemy. Something to keep in mind, he knows if he can destroy a marriage he can destroy multiple generations at one time.

Remember to keep your coffee hot and your prayers hotter.

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Owner Creator & Author of Married my Boaz

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